You met this great guy, all thanks to a friend who constantly pushed you to go out with him. He is everything that you are looking for in a mate. He has nice eyes, a great smile and he’s a man with ambition who constantly pushes himself to the top. Not only that, he’s responsible, and most importantly, he is never afraid to show his emotions.
Everything seemed to be going well between the two of you. Even your friends were saying you two are the perfect pair. You are even sure that he is “the one.”
Then all of a sudden, after months, or even years of dating, he starts to pull away slowly. He is no longer the sweet guy who would visit you at work or bring you flowers on important occasions. He starts ignoring you, and may even refuse to answer your calls or texts. He became distant, but you don’t know why.
The Man-Woman Disconnection
Here’s the truth: men and women are different – no matter how long you two have been going out, living together, or married. Most women, including yourself, may interpret this as a “break” in the relationship.
Admit it. You start to feel he is no longer interested in you. Since you feel he is the one, you may try different things to fix the situation. You may even ask him what’s wrong.
You may also worry that the relationship is falling apart. Sadly, this could drive your man further away from you because he feels pressured to lay down everything.
Relax, ladies. Even you will start to pull away to a certain degree at some point. After all, people need their own space and some privacy. Just in case you feel your man is slowly drifting away, here are some of the things you can do to try to save the relationship.
1. Leave Him Alone
When your man pulls back, your initial reaction is to go to him and ask him what’s wrong. Sadly, you won’t get a good response if you do that. Worse, this creates more tension, which will make him run away from you further.
Do nothing, at least during the first few weeks. Believe it or not, you will do him a bigger favor if you stay away from him – temporarily. His withdrawal is his indirect way of telling you to leave him alone, so give him the space he is asking for.
He is going to come around soon. Just give him the time and space he needs.
2. Remind Yourself That It’s Okay
It may be painful to do nothing while you watch your man walk away. That’s how it is. Men and women are different, especially with the way we handle our issues.
As soon as you start to give him the distance he needs, remind yourself that it is okay and withdrawal in the relationship is normal.
Men need to hold on to their independence and sense of self. He needs to feel that he is still in control of his life. There may be instances when he starts to question himself and his existence. If that happens, remind yourself that it is normal. If he is the right one for you, then he will surely come back. He just needs a little space from time to time.
Don’t worry. When your man pulls away, it doesn’t necessarily mean he is no longer in love with you. Relax.
Have you read the book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus? Yes, it is a sex education book, but it is a good reminder that men and women are different. You may know the person for years, yet it doesn’t mean you know what is going on in his mind.
When he starts to pull away from you, teach yourself to learn how to understand. Your man could be going through something, and he doesn’t want you to get involved, so you won’t worry. He may be facing a difficult challenge at work, and the last thing he needs is you constantly bugging him to spill the beans.
Master the art of understanding. He will appreciate you, for sure.
4. Drop The Effort
Let’s say it has been two weeks and your man is still not showing any signs of going back into your arms. You start to feel the need to do something, so he will come back to you and tell you everything. You schedule a dinner for two at your favorite restaurant and plan a night of couple-strengthening activities.
If he is pulling away and you force yourself on him, you are making it impossible for him to get back to you. Drop any effort to close that space. Let him make that choice to come to you and tell you everything when he’s ready.
5. Control The Feeling
When your man pulls away, it makes you feel neglected, unwanted, confused and angry. Once he starts coming back to you, you may feel the need to take revenge on him for treating you so badly. After all, it’s not okay to pull away just like that.
Take it easy. Keep in mind that your man might be going through something. Don’t let your emotions get in the way. It is easy to say hurtful things, yet difficult to take them back. Worse yet, saying you’re sorry is often not enough to make everything alright.
If you feel the need to curse once he starts knocking at your door, relax, count to three and give him a smile, a kind of smile that tells him how much you missed him.
6. Choose Your Words Wisely
Words are powerful weapons. They may not break your man’s bones, but they will surely affect him, depending on the kind of words you use.
Once he starts coming around, learn to control your emotions and choose your words wisely.
Instead of saying, “What happened to you?” or “Why didn’t you answer any of my calls and texts?” say, “How are you?” or “I’m happy to hear from you.”
Show him that being with you is a positive experience. At the same time, prove to him that you are not the type of woman who easily lets her emotions get in the way. Treat him with love and respect and he will respond accordingly.
7. Say Hello With Love
Your man will come to his senses and realize that it was wrong to shut you out. He may even figure out his issues, which could lead him back to you. When it happens, welcome him with love and genuinely open arms.
You might think that it’s okay to be mean to him after what he’s done. Sadly, this will drive him away instead of fixing the situation. When you feel the urge to get even, stop. However, this doesn’t mean that you should just forget everything. It is important to talk about what went wrong, so you will understand how he is feeling.
It’s all about timing. If he is not ready to talk, then don’t force the issue. Remind him of your love and tell him you’ll be happy to listen when he is ready to talk.
8. Make Him Feel Secure
Just like you, your man needs assurance. He has to make himself feel that he is secure in the relationship.
He needs to know that you are someone he can trust and be with for the rest of his life. He wants to know that whatever happens, you are still there and will never leave his side.
When he starts to pull away, show him and reassure him on how you feel about him. You may not say it directly, but through your actions, you will be able to show that you are someone he can always trust.
However, learn to draw the line. You don’t want to put too much pressure on him, since this could make him step away further. But, you deserve to know why he’s become so solitary. Just be sure to tone down your efforts somewhat.
9. Be Patient
Above all these, be patient. Your man needs time for himself, to figure out his issues on his own, and remember his needs once again without someone nagging him.
You might feel that he slowly withdrawing leads to the end of the relationship. Unless he didn’t say anything, just stick around.
Keep in mind that it may take some time before he comes knocking at your door to tell you the about the things that bother him. That’s okay. Just be patient. Once he makes that choice to come back to you, it will help you feel you are important to him. Eventually, this will make you feel better, which will further strengthen the relationship.
Patience is a virtue when it comes to relationships, especially.
10. Embrace The Space
When your man starts to withdraw, it means he wants space to think things through and figure out things by himself. Instead of wallowing in pity and crying your eyes out, use that space to focus on yourself. This could be a good opportunity to reconnect with your passions, old friends, and yourself.
What do you miss doing before you met your man? If you can’t remember the last time you baked, read a book, or went out with friends, go ahead and do it. It makes you feel better about yourself, which translates into a contagiously-positive attitude.
The good thing about this is that when your man sees you in a happy state, he will realize that you are someone he needs in order to bring joy back in his life.
Keep in mind that it is normal for your man to withdraw at a certain point in the relationship. When that happens, the challenge now is to create a positive experience for him that will make him realize that being with you is the best thing in his life.