Loss is one of the most fundamental certainties of existence. You are going to lose things throughout your life. However, sometimes the things you lose are intrinsically intertwined with your existence, as well as your sense of self and your happiness. Losing such things can change your life completely.
Such losses are basically the loss of a parent, the loss of a relative, the loss of a pet, or the loss of anyone or anything that you love or used to define your reality with in the past. The loss of such a thing can seem impossible to get over, but it is crucial to get over your grief in order to live a normal life.
It is possible to get your life back after past losses. Here are 10 steps to help you in that process:
1. Face Your Loss
When the loss is still fresh in your mind, it is paramount that you devote your attention to it. Define what it is that you have lost, and how it has affected you.
Don’t try to distract yourself. However, at the same time don’t try to prolong your grieving, either. Allot an amount of time, whether it is a week or two, and spend that time grieving.
Allow yourself to face the fact that you have lost something profound and express it completely. Don’t let it the implications of your loss remain vague.
Once you have faced your loss, you will be well prepared to accept it. Acceptance is the final stage of grief, remember that, and it is the healthiest stage. as well.
Denial, bargaining, anger, all of these are simple coping mechanisms. They are methods you would use to avoid facing your loss. Once you have accepted your loss, you will find that you have won half of the battle, even though you still have a long way to go.
2. Don’t Bottle Up Your Feelings
You should vent out your anger, feelings and vulnerabilities to your close pal. This is essential to your fight to regain your emotional wellbeing after such an enormous loss.
Always remember that there is no incorrect way to grieve, as long as the things you are doing don’t distract you from your problem.
Cry a lot. Even if you don’t cry usually, do it. There is no better way to let your heartache out. When you cry you definitely feel better afterwards.
Additionally, if you feel like throwing things out, going for a long run or punching a punching bag, do it. You will release your anger at the situation this way in a healthy manner. Just avoid doing things that would harm you or those around you, as these don’t help matters at all.
3. Share If You Love Yourself
Share your feelings with anybody, your parents, a loved one, absolutely anybody that can help you make sense of what has happened and what you are going through.
If you need people to talk with, reach out and find your well-wishers. Your close friend, a grief group, a therapist or a mentor can hear your anguishes. Be open to all possibilities as you may find help in most unanticipated people or places.
It is highly advisable that you go see a psychiatrist to help you hash out your emotions when grief does not go away. Psychiatrists can help people come out of their negative sentiments. They also work to pinpoint unhealthy habits and activities that are detrimental to your emotional state.
Additionally, you could go to grief counseling. Grief counseling sessions basically involve a group of people sharing their losses and healing experiences with each other. This is an extremely healthy way to get on the road to emotional healing. Hearing other people talk about their loss will help you come to terms with your own.
4. Keep Away from Drugs and Promiscuity
Keep away from the things that would impede the recovery of your emotional health. Don’t indulge in drugs, alcohol and promiscuity.
These are indeed things that you should avoid. Drugs and alcohol numb you to your emotions and essentially amounts to running away from the problem. These are the last things you need.
Besides, being promiscuous is the worst thing you could be doing. It is a temporary solution that has negative impacts in the long run. Promiscuity gives you the false impression of human connection. You are using false intimacy in order to hide from your true feelings.
5. Sidestep Insensitive Folks
Avoid unhelpful and unsympathetic people. It is most likely that the vast majority of your friends understand what you are going through and want to provide you with a meaningful release through venting. However, there will be people who may hinder your emotional recovery by telling you to stop being overly sensitive.
These people are the last people you need in your life right now. This is not to say that they are doing this intentionally. They might simply be doing it because they don’t realize what you are going through.
What you need right now is time to heal, and the company of caring people. You shouldn’t terminate your relationship with such people.
But, just avoid them while you are on the road to an emotional recovery. Tell them honestly that you need time to get better. And, you want to be with yourself for a while.
Accept the help of those who understand you. As we said earlier, there may be some who will not understand when you are experiencing. They may also be clueless as to how to help you or what to say. They will tell you it’s time to get over it, but that’s simply not fair.
6. Treasure the Reminders
Keep objects that remind you of your loved ones. Whether these objects are pictures of your loved ones; jewelry that your wife loved to wear; tickets to a football match that you attended with your father; or a drawing your son gave you when he was younger.
These things will help you keep your loved ones alive well after their physical bodies have passed away. However, it is absolutely essential that you don’t leave these things lying around.
Keep them in a box, or anywhere where they will remain out of plain sight. Only take them out when you feel like reliving your memories with your loved ones. If they are visible in plain sight, it would make it impossible for you to move on.
7. Release Your Grip on the Grief
Remember, facing your loss doesn’t mean you should wallow in your grief. You should set a specific time in which you can face your loss, and rationalize what it means for you and your life.
But, after a certain point, it is important that you start to take up activities, so that you aren’t left with too much free time to think about the loss.
If you don’t feel like going out with your friends and would rather be alone, this is understandable. There are several activities you can do by yourself that would help keep you busy. Painting is a great choice, and music is probably even better. Music is a cathartic activity, you can sing about your feelings. There are thousands of songs out there and a huge chunk of them deal with loss.
8. Revel in the Little Things
Find the time to enjoy yourself. Happiness is not a faucet you can turn on or off. It comes when it comes.
All you can do is help yourself become more open to it. In the meantime, a good way to open yourself up to happiness is to enjoy the little things in life.
Discover peace in things like bird songs in the morning; a beautiful, sunny day or a sunset on the beach. You may start to remember your loved one, and miss them. You may feel sad about the fact that they are not here to share this experience with you.
When this happens, try to think about how they would have felt about this beautiful moment, instead. Remembering your loved ones in this way is a healthy way to let them go.
9. Concentrate on Cheerful Memories
Losing a loved one can lead to a painful kind of remorse. You may feel guilty for every fight you ever had or every time you ever hurt them, regardless of the fact your mistake was big or small. This will do nothing to help you on your path to emotional healing.
You need to focus on the good times you had. Shift your focus away from the loss and towards the life that preceded it. Remember the happiness, and feel content that there was some connection between the two of you. Everybody makes mistakes, and that’s no reason for you not to be happy.
10. You Deserve to Be at Peace
Allow yourself to be happy. You have gotten through it. You have picked yourself up and started your life again. You may feel as though you are betraying the memory of the one you have lost. This is not the case. You deserve to be happy and you deserve to let them go, so you can move on with your life. However, do not force yourself to be happy, either.
Trying to smile in a social situation in which you are expected to be happy, perhaps, is emotionally exhausting and won’t help you at all. But, at the same time, don’t second guess your happiness when it does come along. Let it fill you up. Feel the bliss and remember that loss is not the end. There is life left to live, and love left to give and receive.
Believe in yourself. You need to bear in mind that you are not the same person before the loss. As you transform, imbibe new beliefs, ideas and opportunities.
There may be situations when people may not understand you and try to hold you back. But still, believe in yourself.
If you are dealing from loss, know that you are not alone. Take solace in the fact that many people go through this ordeal at varying speeds. Also, keep in mind there is no magical formula that can instantly heal you from loss.
Many tips and techniques are written about ways to overcome grief, but each of us is a different individual. While, it’s a fact that loss never leaves you, the steps that you take to fight the grief can help.
Don’t stay stuck on your past. You never know what the tide may bring. Take your time to heal. Love what you have and accommodate yourself in the new world of promises. If you feel too overwhelmed and incapable to cope, reach for professional help. Don’t be too ashamed to get assistance to help you come out of your miseries.