Many people think that physical desire is the motivation for any sexual activity. This may be true, especially for men. Contrariwise, a significant number of studies suggest that women have more complex reasons for having sex than just desire. A lot of women, mostly older women in their menopausal stages, have sex to maintain an emotional connection and closeness with their partners, to affirm their feelings and to sustain their relationships.
Due to these differing reasons, sexual satisfaction may differ in men and women. Thus, women need to communicate their sexual needs and enlighten their partners.
If you are currently having problems with your sex life or just want to improve your sexual experience, the best thing to do is to let your partner know.
Communication is essential in every aspect of your relationship, and this includes sex. Whether you are in your menopausal years or a younger woman whose sex life is suffering due to the demands of life, you can talk your way to having better sex.
1. Talk about your concerns.
Your partner cannot read your mind, and neither can you. The best thing to do is tell him about your needs, your thoughts and expectations to make your sexual experiences more enjoyable and pleasurable.
Let him do the same. Just like you, maybe he also has unmet needs in the bedroom that he is dying to tell you about, as well.
2. Start With Your Main Concern
When you talk, do not overwhelm your partner with a lengthy conversation. Start with the most important issue, and limit your discussion for 15 minutes.
Do not enumerate all your bedroom concerns right away, or your partner might get the feeling he was never able to satisfy you in bed.
Let’s say, your main concern is not having sex for a week. Tell your partner how this makes you feel, and how it’s affecting your relationship. If he gets your point and starts to act on it, then you can start dealing with enhancing the pleasure by trying out new sex positions or the use of sex toys. Whatever that makes your sexual experiences more interesting, but take one step at a time.
5. Initiate Through Other Means
If you really can’t find the courage to talk about your sex needs in front of your partner, you can send him an email or a text message, so you will both have time to think about it before you talk face-to-face.
Although communicating in person is the best way to let him know, you can initiate the conversation through text or email. Please, avoid using shortcut spelling especially for important matters. The use of “u” instead of “you” lacks sincerity.
4. Use A Book Or Movie
If you can’t find the right words to say, relating your concerns via a movie or a book will help get you straight to the point. On your date night or any night if you don’t have one, invite him to sit down and watch a movie with you.
Site a specific scene that highlights your concerns and start a light-hearted conversation. A certain chapter of a book is also an effective way to send your message across.
5. Be Sensitive With Your Words
When you start talking, be careful not to sound like it’s a lack on his part why your sex life is suffering from a drought.
Try not to start your conversations with “you” statements like, “You are too busy to notice even me.” Although this may be true, he will end up defensive and upset.
This can lead to an argument before you can even get to your main point. Instead, focus on your feelings, like: “I feel bad about us not having sex frequently,” or “I miss your touch.” Once you get him to listen, ask your partner what you can both do to make things better.
Sometimes, it is the way of saying things that creates conflict, not the message you are trying to convey.
6. Look For The Perfect Timing
If you know he had a bad day at work, or if he is too tired to listen or to process what you’re saying, save it for the next time. He might feel you are attacking him and instead of getting a positive outcome from your efforts to speak up, you’ll end up upsetting your partner.
Find the perfect situation where you’re both in a positive mood and your minds are open to sensitive discussions.
7. Recall Your Past Sex Life
One effective way of initiating the conversation is by recalling the first few times the two of you had sex together. Describe what you enjoyed most and what made it exciting.
Recall how many times you used to have sex in a week and how good it made you feel. By bringing up your past sex life, you will be both inspired to relive it.
8. Assess The Situation First
Assess the situation by asking yourself this first: What kind of changes do you really want? What is making your sex life so ordinary? Is it a lack of time? Is it a lack of intimacy? Is it a lack of novelty?
Sort out the details first, before you initiate the discussion, so you’ll know where to start. Thinking it out will eliminate the possibility of your message being taken out of context and ending your conversation with a fight, rather than a solution.
9. Create A List Of Options
After stating out your concerns, don’t impose solutions. For example, if planned sex is one of your options, don’t enforce a schedule that is impossible for your partner to follow.
Find a solution that works well for both of you, and not only for you. Before you get into a battle, it’s best if you are ready with a list of options,but let your partner come up with a solution too, so you can get started right away.
10. Rule Out Other Underlying Factors
Sometimes, a dull sex life is not just due to a lack of time and effort. Emotional and physical factors can also interfere with you or your partner’s ability to perform in bed. Is one, or both of you suffering from depression or any chronic illness?
If your partner is emotionally or physically ill, be realistic about your expectations in the bedroom.
Instead of pushing them to do more, talk about how the illness is affecting your sex life. Then, help them find ways to ease the symptoms and improve their sexual abilities.
No matter how long you have been together, it’s no guarantee that your partner knows about your every need. By following these 10 ways, you can talk your way to having better sex.