Women find it hard to say no. As simple as the two-letter word looks and sounds, women find it difficult to blurt them out. Why? It is because women want to please everyone, if possible. And, they hate disappointing the people around them. If you are one of these women, you should know that not being able to say no is not the same as letting other people take over your life.
It’s okay to help others out, but if it gets in the way of spending time with yourself and other things that matter, perhaps you should learn to refuse and draw the line somewhere. Here are seven ways you can avoid feeling bad for saying no.
1. Say No When A Friend Loans Money From You
A friend is texting you to ask if she can borrow a thousand dollars because she has booked a trip, but ran over budget for her pocket money.
You find it totally annoying, because you haven’t even been anywhere to avoid unnecessary expenses. Another thing is, she has a reputation of having amnesia when it comes to paying her debts.
Say no, because money issues can ruin friendships. You earned your money the hard way, and it would mean war if you don’t get paid. Be honest and tell her you don’t lend large amounts of money to all your friends, and it is a rule you made to avoid conflicts.
The same goes for a friend who wants to borrow your car because her car is in an auto repair shop after a minor accident. Learn to say no if the favors they are asking involves huge amounts or pricey things. Another thing, if other friends learned about loaning money to another friend, they’ll see you as a living, breathing automated teller machine.
2. Say No When A Guy Is Asking For A Midnight Booty Call
Your mobile phone makes a beeping sound, and it’s a booty call. Most times, women can’t say no to a guy, especially if she likes him.
However,if a guy is texting you for a meet up at midnight and he knows you have to wake up early for work the next morning, that means he doesn’t care about your welfare. Say no or simply ignore his messages. He is not worthy of your time, anyway.
3. Say No To Excess Workloads And Working Hours
There will be times when you have to stay late at work, and that’s normal. Everybody does that once in a while. But, this does not mean you can overwork yourself until you burnout.
It’s understandable that you want to impress your boss, but then again, extra-long working hours and heaps of workloads can make you lose focus, since you have so much to do at hand with barely enough time to take a breather.
If you currently have an assignment to work on, yet you are getting another assignment, talk to your boss. Tell him you are already working on something or ask if he would like you to change priorities. If you are asked to do things beyond your job description, discuss your concerns with your boss. Tell him how it affects your productivity.
Clearly state that no matter how much you want the extra income, or how flattered you are that you were chosen, you can’t take on any more responsibilities at the moment.
4. Say No If You’re Not Sure You Can Attend An Important Event
It’s difficult to refuse an invitation, especially if the request or invitation comes from someone close to you.
If a close friend or cousin is asking you to be her bridesmaid or inviting you to attend her destination wedding, but you are financially incapable and can’t make it to the wedding rehearsals, say so.
You may think it will disappoint them, but it’s more disappointing if you back out at the last minute, or if you are a no-show on the big day.
Make sure you get to talk to the bride in person, let her understand your situation and ask if you can help in any other way. You don’t have to feel bad about saying no, because most likely there were others who can’t come too, especially if the wedding is out of town. Just don’t forget to give her and the groom a nice present.
Or, in a different but similar scenario, you are the bride and your cousin is asking if her new boyfriend can also come at your 150 bucks-per-head wedding. Politely say no and explain to her that you have to exclude other important people in your guest list, because your budget can’t cover them all. Invite them for a bottle of wine later on, so you can meet the boyfriend.
5. Say No to Unnecessary Solicitations
A coworker is asking you to chip in more than a few dollars for another coworker’s birthday that you only know as “Peter.” Obviously, your coworker does not know that you and Peter aren’t that close. Say no without embarrassing your workmate by telling her that you’d drop by Peter’s cubicle and personally get to know him and greet him with a happy birthday.
6. Say No To Sex If You Are Really Tired
Your husband wants to hit the sheets, but you are too tired to lift even a leg. Say no if you just had sex last night. If you have fewer activities planned for the next day, just tell him you can give him an ultimate performance tomorrow.
Just don’t make promises you’re not sure you can keep especially if it involves bedroom promises. On the other hand, if you have been constantly refusing and your last sex happened a month ago, then maybe you should not make a habit out of saying no.
7. Say No To Automatic Responsibilities
Yet, again, you have been automatically appointed as the PTA president at your child’s school this school year after fulfilling your duties last year diligently.
However, circumstances have changed as you are expecting another baby in three months’ time. Plus, your husband got promoted and had to travel for work. Explain to them why you can’t accept it and encourage other parents who have more time to volunteer for the position.
Women are natural pleasers to the extent of casting their needs aside to prioritize the needs of other people. However, it is time to draw the line and say no without feeling bad about it. You don’t have to please everyone, especially to the point of exhaustion or self-sacrifice. Overdoing it can make you sick, both physically and emotionally.